Ways to Die
by Cottonpaw
Summary: One-Shot. Fang amuses Max during a boring chemistry class. Based on a true story. Rated T for extremely mild language I'm paranoid .


**A/N: This story takes place during School's Out – Forever when the flock is staying at Anne's and is attending school. I realize Max, Fang, and Iggy aren't in the same class, but just bare with me for the sake of the story. **

**This little one-shot is based on a true story that happened to me two days ago in my chemistry class. I'd like to dedicate this to my good friend, Richard, represented by Fang, for inspiring this, and to my chemistry teacher, whose name is, in fact, Keith. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or any of James Patterson's lovely characters, or the scenarios that will be played out in this short story. **

_I am going to die,_ I thought dismally.

Bang!

_How can anyone stand this?_

_Bang!_

_Someone please kill me._

_Bang!_

"Max, would you cut it out?" I stopped banging my head against my desk to glare at Mr. Clarke. He gave me a significant look and went back to his rant on polyatomic ions. Yes, I knew what polyatomic ions were because I had to take that stupid class every day for several weeks. Months even. I so would have preferred Erasers to burst through the window, anything to stop the incessant rambling.

Maybe Clarke would get severely injured in the process. I smiled at the thought, but only a small, fleeting smile.

Chemistry was my absolute least favourite class, here at this stupid little Virginia school, as was many others. It never made much sense, and when you have a teacher incapable of teaching, it makes things worse. I gave up long before, resorting to the internet for answers to my homework. Though one time, even though the answer to one question was on multiple websites I had found, Clarke still marked that answer wrong. I guess he's smarter than several famous scientists around the world.

Note sarcasm.

Trying not to completely lose it, I glanced around the room. My desk was in the back behind an inconveniently placed pole, making it difficult to see the board. Not that I actually took notes or anything. Most of my classmates displayed various states of boredom. One kid was actually asleep.

My eyes rested on Fang two seats over; he looked just as bored as I was. As if sensing my gaze, he turned and rolled his eyes at me, indicating the exceedingly dull forty-five minutes we had to endure. I nodded sadly. _Kill me now, _he mouthed and I sighed and glared down at the desktop.

About five minutes had passed when a small piece of paper hit the side of my head. I scanned the room angrily until I saw that Fang had an amused look on his face. I shot him a look that said, "What the hell was that for?" He pointed to Clarke, who was writing something on the board, then pretended to choke. I didn't know exactly why he needed my attention for that, but I smiled wide at the joke.

Keeping his face passive, he then formed his hand into a gun and put it against his head, pretending to pull the trigger. Fang never acted this silly, and that only contributed to the hilarity. Next, he pretended to drown and slumped in his chair with his eyes closed and tongue hanging out. I let out a soft giggle.

"What are you laughing about?" Iggy whispered softly from his seat in front of me. I leaned across my desk to get closer to him.

"Fang is acting out ways to die," I breathed, knowing Iggy's sensitive hearing would pick up my voice easily. He smiled deviously and told me to tell him more of what Fang was doing.

Fang was pretending to hang himself. I laughed silently and told Iggy, who smirked and shook his head. I saw Fang think something over, then pretended to spontaneously combust.

Don't ask me how he managed to mime that. It was good enough to tell me what he was doing.

The next one was completely ridiculous, but extremely hilarious. Fang wrote "steak" in big letters in his notebook and held it up so I could see. Then he rubbed the book over his chest, looking like an idiot. When he was done with that, he pointed to a spot on the ground near his chair and mouthed "wolverine," then proceeded to act like he was being attacked the invisible animal. My whole body shook with laughter, but I managed not to make a sound.

Following the wolverine attack was a blizzard. I didn't really see how that was funny, or even that deadly, until Fang whispered so quietly the girl sitting in between us didn't look up from her notebook.

"I'm not wearing any pants."

I had to cover my mouth with my hand and put my head on the desk in order to keep myself from bursting out laughing. Iggy had to ask to go to the bathroom, unable to control himself. It took me a while to calm down, and when I finally glanced over at Fang again, he was smirking, pleased with himself. His smirk turned into a grin as his next idea came to him. When Clarke had his back turned, Fang pointed at him and muttered, "Look, he's teaching!" and collapsed on his desk, finally dead.

That did it. I couldn't take it anymore. I broke into hysterics, making everyone turn to look at me curiously. Fang smiled his signature Fang smile, brightening up the room.

"Max!" Clarke scolded me, but I didn't stop. Looking at the man only made me laugh harder. "Stop laughing this instant and tell me what could possibly be so funny." There were tears in my eyes and it took me a moment to compose myself.

"Oh, Keith," I sighed, using Clarke's first name just to piss him off. "If only you knew."

That detention was so worth it.

**A/N: Wonderful, right? That actually happened! I was in Max's place, by the way, and my friend, Jesse, was in Iggy's. **

**So yeah, just thought I'd share that with the internet.**

**Reviews would be wonderful, as long as they're good ones. **

**~Cottonpaw**


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